Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Sucker Punch

You don't exactly feel good after watching a bad movie. Its like the feeling you get when your blind date turns out to be a 70 year old big breasted bimbo. Especially when your friends who hooked you up for the epic fail had since long been hyping things up. Sucker Punch is not different.

It is just another brick in the wall.

First of all, it is supposed to be an action movie. You would want at least 30 minutes of action in a 109 minutes movie. Even Die Hard had about 44 minutes of action. But it turns out that the movie has just 20 minutes of action sequences. So what about the rest of the movie? The rest 89 minutes of the movie is the plot. And the plot, like in all commercial action flicks, is as much as zip, zilch, nada.

Secondly, as for the visuals and the effects, they are not what the trailers promised. I thought they might be subzero, but tch. There are scenes where one with a keen eye might go Hey! That looked fake! I was disappointed. I would say the effects and all were nothing more than theek thaak. Lets face it. Chicks with guns and swords is a bit cliché now. Snyder ain't Tarantino and this ain't Kill Bill.

One thing I liked though is all the metaphorical comparisons the movie has, between actual people and the things that the Femme Fatales fight in the virtual world. Its almost fairy tale like. Well, for instance, there's this fat slob of a chef that the girls have a beef with and so they fight him in the virtual world. Just that he's not who they fight, but his virtual projection – robots. Because he has a mechanical job and such. Funky, right?

All in all, its just another try by a successful director at some hi-fundu stuff. Like Transformers II, which was a major disaster. The direction is decent, with a lot of stylish slow-mo which is not hard to expect from Snyder. The soundtrack is brilliant, with well chosen powerful hits fitting each scenario. The Bee suggests you wait till the HD comes out. If you still can't wait and want to watch this movie in a theater, The Bee thinks you have a lot of money. Buy some honey from the money, honey?

This could've been a better flick. But ah, well.

Direction : 4 buzzes.
Soundtrack : 4.5 buzzes.
Acting : 3 buzzes.
Effects : 3.5 buzzes.
Action : 3 buzzes. - Just 20 minutes? I wanted more!

The Bee gives it 3 buzzes.

Monday, July 27, 2009


Its almost creepy. In an age we live live in, we don't get to see smart people anywhere. We either stumble upon spectacled geeks mugging words and equations or dumb brawny guys wearing sleeveless tees flirting with chicks all the time. "Dude! That hair? Eww." But chicks don't mind and guys are thus happy. Bootcuts are ubiquitous and every second guy uses Set-Wet. Alright. People are no different elsewhere. But at least dudes at Bollywood can do better by depicting smarter people. Smarter school-going people. But it always has to be a huge building, idlers sitting doing nothing and a couple a dumbasses dancing around on a tacky number by Sameer. If you want to feel inferior, or get that classic age-old urge that you should be doing something smart by now, Brick's the movie for you.

Many a times have I seen fat stout bullies beat kids up. Shit happens in high schools. But never have I seen 12th graders wearing black blazers tripping on coke and allowing their side-kicks to go around town shooting people. God loves India. He hasn't let the 'bad things' creep into the 18-year-old's society yet.

The movie posters said it was a detective movie when it came out. It has even achieved a certain level of cult status. And rightly so. I think this has got to be the best of the lot. One of those few really-awesome detective movies out there.

The main plot is pretty simple. High school. Chick dies mysteriously. Ex-boyfriend gets curious and is hellbent on cracking the case. And he does. Simple, ain't it? What's so special about the movie one might ask. As I mentioned, all the characters are school going kids. And there are murders. The simple plot has been handled so well and so expertly that the character of the dude who investigates the murder almost makes you jealous. His girlfriend says he's a loser and a loner and that she doesn't like the way he perceives things. So what? You can actually feel that sting, that tingle of envy as you wish you had an IQ as high as that dude's as he walks around confidently slapping people asking them where the hell his girlfriend is. Dick Tracy may look like a kid in front of this spectacled chap. The way he handles things with some help from his geek of a friend 'Brain' is something that is sure to keep you at the edge of your seat throughout. There's one chick. She's hot. In fact the chick who dies is hot too. And The Pin? A 12th grader wearing a blazer he probably borrowed from the dudes who made The-Matrix? Its a comic sight.

Pros : Brilliant direction. Amazing plot. Enviable dude. Very very gripping.

Cons : The dialogues and the minor details. They're pretty hard to get in the first go.

Rating : 4/5

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


“The greatest religion a nation ever followed was a music concert.”

Ever wondered how things were in a decade nearly forty years ago. From the one you’re living in? Yes. The 70s. Or perhaps wished you could live the 70s life. God doesn’t grant wishes. A genie can, but he doesn’t exist. So you don’t have much choice anyway. You’re stuck in the sucky 21st century where SPM rules the skies and four people are murdered every second. There. What do you do then? Cover your face and cry? Don’t. There’s something that can cheer you up. In fact there are two things, viz. Dazed And Confused, and Woodstock. Go watch the former. It’s beyond awesome. But on that, later.

What happens when you cross-breed weed, muscle cars and three-days-of-peace-and-music? You get Woodstock. That’s what it is about. In 1969, a few loaded entrepreneurs got together and rented a farm. They thought of inviting all the famous music artists and giving them three days to play. Three whole days! And people came. The organizers had expected a crowd of 2 lakh. But over 5 lakh people turned up and situation got so positively bad that after half the first day, they made the festival a free one. It’s hard to imagine that so many people can stay jam-packed in a 600-acre area for three days with debatable facilities for food and all, just for the love of music. With artists like Jimi Hendrix, Canned Heat, Arlo Guthrie, The Who, Joan Baez, Joe Cocker, Ten Years After, Richie Havens and many more who performed, it’s not hard to believe that it’s considered as the best and the greatest concert ever held. It would have been a lot cooler if a few others like Led-Zep, Black-Sabbath, The-Doors and Jethro-Tull would have come too.

The movie cum documentary starts not with the performances directly but with footages of the organizers working, the stage being set up, the farm and all. Quintessentially-70s, the footages of horses and the long haired ladies wearing bandanas emanate very strong psychedelic vibes and the songs being played in the background are amazing and add more bubble-wrap to the overall happiness. Then start the performances. I was literally close to tears when the crowd gave a standing ovation to Richie Havens. Getting to see a spectacle such as Woodstock-69 is almost impossible in the decade we live in. It gives you a very pleasant feeling and a caffeinic urge to go some place where you can just sit back, smoke pot and listen to music all day long.

All In all, this is only for serious music enthusiasts. Fans of Himesh Reshamiya and those with similar rubbish music tastes should strictly not watch this. As for the others, if you’re really interested in spending three and a half hours in a way that’ll put you a step closer to Nirvana, then go for Woodstock. Beautiful! Wish I was there.

Pros : Everything.

Cons : Nothing at all.

Rating : 5/5

El Laberinto Del Fauno

An extremely simple storyline with brilliant execution.That's what this movie is all about.I mean,seriously,is this some primary school English lesson,of the ranks of "The Touch of Midas" and "Pandora's Box",that I just fail to remember?Could be.But that takes no credit away from the movie,hats off to the crew of the film.

The movie begins with a young girl named Ofelia,travelling to an army camp in Spain with her delicate,pregnant mother to live with her step-father,an evil officer.There,an angel guides her to an old labyrinth behind the camp where she meets a faun.The faun tells her that she is a reincarnation of a princess,and that she could be one again if she completes three tasks before the full moon.

The story quite effectively blends this fantasy tale with the real happenings in the Civil War in Spain.It is important that you do not go about being too logical about things while watching this movie because it's quite easy to spot flaws.The gunshots in the movie are so peculiarly unreal,that you'll develop a little respect for Bollywood.But that's really not what you should be looking for in the movie.Also,you might not agree with the last part of the movie,because frankly I could not.I won't ruin the movie for you by telling you about it though.Watch it,come back and comment.

All in all,its a decent movie,but I find it hard to believe it won 3 Oscars.Oh hell,Lagaan deserved one!!!

Pros : A simple storyline, lay back on your couch and just follow.

Cons : 1. Subtitles indispensible.
2. Defies logic,but in tolerable limits.

Rating : 3.2/5

Monday, July 13, 2009


When Brad Pitt points a finger and threatens his fellow tourists that if they leave without him, ‘he’ll kill them’, what do they do? They leave anyway. And that’s what makes this movie different. For that matter, most of the movies out there. In the real world, no matter how charismatic one is; he just cannot manage to hold a bunch of tourists back and keep them waiting because his wife’s shot and there’s no ambulance. Very few understand the agonies of others. It happens only in Bollywood. A couple of inspiring words by our hero and the tourists suddenly metamorphose into super-assistive altruistic people. Is that probable? No. They’ll fuck the hero up if they think that’s what would actually happen. Welcome to Hollywood.

The movie starts with two small boys wandering out into the parched landscape of a small village in Morocco to herd their goats while trying to find ways to get the itch off their hands as they take their dad’s newly purchased rifle along with them. After shooting at a fox or two they begin to question the gun’s range and decide to put it at test by shooting at a tourist bus that they spot far away. They shoot, not expecting that someone in the bus would actually get hurt. That happens to be Pitt’s wife. This accident detonates a chain of events, all of which are interlinked. The story, if arranged chronologically, might come out as very normal and an ordinary one. The wife gets shot. Moroccan cops think it's a terrorist attack. Rifle had earlier belonged to a Japanese businessman who by the way has a very horny daughter. The nanny at Pitt’s house takes the kids along to Mexico at her nephew’s wedding (crossing the border illegally which brings trouble eventually), without telling Pitt of course, as she can’t find anybody else to take care of them and Pitt can’t return as wife’s hurt(remember?).

The main attraction is the direction though. The director is some dude with a really long name. He has done a good job by portraying the story in a pretty innovative manner. It can remind one of Memento. He keeps jumping around the post-accident lives of the four families that get involved viz. Pitt’s, Japanese-businessman’s, goat-people’s and the nanny’s. Lots have developed a dislike for the movie saying it gets confusing and that it’s pretty difficult to keep up with so many stories at once. But then, Yuva, which was a great movie, was disliked for the same reason, wasn’t it? There are a few dimwits out there who find it difficult to appreciate something different. And a few ADHD diagnosed patients too who can’t cope up with something that’s not a soap on Doordarshan.

The Japanese chick’s performance is something else that’s worth appreciating. I don’t know whether she’s deaf-mute for real or not but whichever of the two it is, she sure as hell has done a splendid job of acting like one. And the horniness. That’s an added feature. So horny that she tries to kiss the dentist and even goes naked in front of the dude from the police dept. That both of them have some moral ethics to believe in is a bummer though.

The soundtrack is great too. With the Arabian music striking the right notes at appropriate times, it brings out the Moroccan blues quite effectively. The end is perfect. What not! Pitt cries and that’s something one just cannot miss. I won’t disclose whether the end is a sad or a happy one(it’s an old movie, so you might already be knowing), but if you are someone who has a penchant for good movies, disappointment is quite improbable. No wonder it has bagged an Oscar and a couple of less-than-an-Oscar awards.

It's relatively old but does it matter? Torrent it and watch it. It can get a bit predictable but screw that. The performances are top-notch. Normal story in a not-so-normal way. Isn't all that enough?

Pros : Brilliant direction. Brilliant acting. And horniness well depicted.

Cons : Longer than necessary. And predictable to some extent. But Cons <<<<< Pros.

Rating : 3.5/5


Definitely Oscar material,but also entertaining.Although a few minutes with Wikipedia over Richard Nixon and the Watergate scandal will help you to engage yourself better in the movie.

The film is based on the famous "Nixon Interviews" conducted by British reporter David Frost which have been considered as the most successful political interviews ever.After these interviews,David Frost went on to interview seven U.S presidents and eight U.K prime ministers.For Richard Nixon though,these interviews brought his remaining life down to an abyss of obscurity and regret.

The film handles these facts magnificently without ever over-dramatizing it.Ron Howard has left no stone unturned while making this movie.But the star of the movie is definitely Frank Langella,who plays Richard Nixon.He brilliantly potrays the typical bureaucrat in a corrupt system.The first three interviews prove to be a big failure for David Frost,as Nixon beautifully kills time by rambling on and on over irrelevant issues as Frost sits back helplessly.

The last interview,however proved to be the nail in the coffin.It reminded me of the popular game,"Snake" that we find on cellphones.The snake was fed and fed till it got so long and got caught in itself.This is exactly what happens in the movie.Owing to the brilliant acting by Frank Langella,you start to feel truimphant as you watch Nixon's swollen face and moist eyes towards the end of the movie and you wanna scream,"Gotcha,you son a bitch!!!"

So do watch this movie,not with your girlfriend though.Watch it with your dad,particularly if he hates politicians.You'd hear some innovative swear words from him that you've never heard before.Also,you'd be profoundly dumb if you need Google to figure out that Nayak was loosely derived from these famous interviews.

Rating : 4/5

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Transformers : Revenge Of The Fallen.

Lets face the facts.

1. Michael Bay has a lot of money.
2. He's not happy with his wife. They had a violent fight last year.

The movie begins with our Neanderthal ancestors chasing a tiger. The tiger nods when its cornered and its then that the primates notice a huge structure on the ground a kilometer or two from where they are. A spaceship of some kind it is and our skimpily clad ancestors see robots gamboling around it. The Decepticons see the humans too and they come and crush them, literally. Alright. Enlightenment. The aliens are far more advanced than the humans. They keep making things having weird shapes with names such as ‘The Matrix’ which has powers so great that it can bring the dead back to life and even blow up suns while all the humans keep doing is hunt tigers. That was one important flashback. One needs it.

Now comes the present. Sam has to go to college and decides not to take his Camaro aka Bumblebee along. He tells Bee about it and Bee cries. Very emotional. I remember hearing a genuine sniff from somewhere on the row behind mine. Bee even sheds tears. Ah. Not tears. Oil. Very touching. But then they show Mikaela in her garage. And the bikes! Beautiful, awesome, things. That period of a few nano-seconds is the only small part worth whatever money one might so innocently spend on this terrible a movie. Well, apart from the slow-mo shots of Fox running. She stretches her leg, crosses them over Sharon-style, sits on one of the bikes and bends like those girls at a chopper-convention or something who wear nothing and keep washing bikes. And all this while talking on the phone. But who cares, eh? I can imagine Michael Bay sweating and wanting to go to the washroom while trying to take those shots.

There’s another hottie too, who unfortunately gets sprayed upon with oil by our hero, the Bee himself. Itself? And she even makes passes at Sam! Yes! The dude who, from a distance, can almost be mistaken for a chick has a really hot babe hitting on him! How? But wait. Then she reveals her tail! Yes! She's got a machine-tail! Freaky! She kept hitting on the dude just so that she could kill him! Over the years, somehow, the Decepticons advanced so much that they learnt how to disguise themselves in human-form. But they still need a tail to kill a human not to mention the coitus-interruptus that they unconditionally need to indulge in before they can carry out their Operation Kill-A-Boy. Afterall, they are the mighty Decepticons.

They even show a much stereotypical destroyed planet of the Transformers and some leader of the Decepticons who does nothing but sit on a chair all day long and whose robot face too is marked by senility. And he is the fallen. And his will be the revenge. Its almost funny. How the hell is that old dude going to avenge his fall?

The movie seems to go nowhere with lots of Transformers prancing around and battling with each other, their tactics not-at-all changing through-out. They keep pouncing on each other the same way they did in the first movie. And they keep making sound too. Weird noises. But then, they do need to make machine-noises, eh? How then could we have told the bots and the humans apart. The noises! Smart, I tell you. Bay. It’s easy to get confused too. The Decepticons are black and the Autobots are all red and blue and yellow and green. But still.

Very much like a Bollywood flick, where long-dialogues of love are uttered on the battleground itself which makes you wonder where the hell the enemies were while the layla was confessing her love to the majnoo, it makes one scratch his head as to how this movie can get a standing ovation(well, almost) at the end. Sam gets a vision too! Now, that makes it worth the buck, eh? A vision about the ancestors of Optimus Prime telling Sam that only he can save the world. And Prime too. Did I forget Prime? But then, he was dead for more than half the movie. Poor Prime! We all loved him in the first flick. And now his run-time just got reduced. Ah. Sob-sob.

There’s a whole new variety of robots in here. With millions of utterly senseless action sequences all of them looking ditto-ditto, someone like me would just want to get out of the theatre as soon as possible. I love robots. It’s not like I hate them or something. I liked Terminator. I even liked Transformers-I. But seeing so many of these shape-changers at once is a painful eye-sore. Even the jokes are corny. We've seen it all. I say go for this movie if and only if you have absolutely nothing else to do. No wait. Don’t go then either. Go grab a beer instead. Why get a headache when you can get a high?

Pros : Fox, her slow-mo runs and choppers. And of course the dialogue by that Sector-7 dude, "I'm directly below its scrotum."

Cons : Senseless action and dull jokes. A plot as weak as err.. say.. Quantum Of Solace?

Rating : 2/5